Board Game Truths

[geoff]

Feel free to add your own.

[geoff]

In Life, you can skip college and the expense (at least $100,000) and time wasted there.

Jobs in Life

No Degree Required

    * Salesperson: Salary $20-50,000; taxes $5,000
    * Hair Stylist: Salary $30-60,000; taxes $10,000
    * Mechanic: Salary $30-60,000; taxes $10,000
    * Police Officer: Salary $40-70,000; taxes $15,000; collect $5,000 from anyone spinning a 10
    * Entertainer: Salary $50,000 (no max); taxes $20,000
    * Athlete: Salary $60,000 (no max); taxes $25,000

Degree Required

    * Teacher: Salary $40-70,000; taxes $15,000
    * Computer Designer: Salary $50-80,000; taxes $20,000
    * Accountant: Salary $70-110,000; taxes $30,000
    * Veterinarian: Salary $80-120,000; taxes $35,000
    * Lawyer: Salary $90,000 (no max); taxes $40,000
    * Doctor: Salary $100,000 (no max); taxes $45,000


SO, right off the bat:

Never be an artist. The new version of life is here to tell you, ART=WORTHLESS. Get a goddamned job, hippy.

Unless you plan on spending your time eating scraps, never be a salesperson.

Knowing how to fix things is exactly as useful, monetarily speaking, as knowing how to perm a fat lady's hair.

Being a teacher pays the same as being a cop. But when you are a cop, you also get to be a goddamned thug and steal people's money.

It is only worth being an entertainer or an athlete if you are really, really lucky, and you aren't.

Being a doctor sucks at first, but is a surefire path to a comfortable life.

Cops are fucking thugs.

In the 92 version of LIFE, whenever the wheel fell off the spindle as a result of another player's roll, you earned $20,000. The only clear choice in life is to work with computers, fleecing the system, and rigging the wheels to fail.

LIFE no longer offers the career of travel agent. Alarm bells should be going off in your head if you think this is still a viable career.

It is better to be a veterinarian than a doctor, once taxes are paid.

[mickey]

Checkers:

ABMF! Always Be Moving Forward!  (Unless you are a king, then you can do whatever the fuck you want!"

Sometimes, you have to do it, even if in the long run it benefits you not to.  (If there is a jump for you, the rules state that you must take that jump).

[jen]

Chutes and Ladders

I think this is the ultimate truth...Along the way you sometimes get unexpected legs up and you usually fall some.
But almost every single f'n time, right when you think you're just about done, you fall down that long ass slide and have to go back to almost the beginning.

Sure, sometimes you get that massive ladder up, too but it doesn't seem to come along quite as often...

Seriously, I'm an optimist but damn it if during the game (and in life) it seems you hit the long big slide more than any other space? Or maybe it's because we remember those damned times and not the easier ones in between?

[geoff]

Chinese Checkers:

When a bunch of people work toward tasks independently, a clusterfuck will invariably form wherever paths cross. In this situation, lay low, and try to sneak around the outside of the mess. Let other people argue while you stock up your back row.

http://www.truantduck.com/cc/cc.html

[ELROSS]

Tic Tac Toe- No matter how brilliant you are, you can be beaten or at least tied by a sufficiently trained chicken.

Chess- Going all the way to the back makes you a queen. You can go whereever the fuck you want when you're on a horse.

Hangman- Nobody can spell.

Clue- If the solution is there in an envelope in front of you, somebody will always peek.

Connect Four- Cheap Chinese crap hinges always break right when you're about to win.

Crazy Eight's, Upwords, Scrabble- Grandma does NOT enjoy losing.....EVER!

[Iceman2469]

Mouse Trap :  Eventually you can take a pile of garbage and come up with something creative (i.e. the mouse trap).


Candy Land :  Sure Life might be sweet and fun, and you might even find a shortcut down the Gumdrop path on those rare occasions, but you can always rest assured at some point your ass will get stuck in the Molasses Swamp for a long while, just short of getting to your goal, King Kandy.

[FooFa]

Vampires like Yahtzee.

[GlennWebber]

SORRY - Teaches you that people are insincere when they apologize. Whenever someone gets a SORRY card, their face breaks into a grin as they say "So-rry" and kick your pawn (which was 2 squares from safety) back into the Start area.

[geoff]

Vampires like Yahtzee.

This made me burst out laughing. Blood dice. HAR!

[FooFa]

Naked Twister is almost always a bad idea.

[soundguy79]

Naked Twister is almost always a bad idea.

I'll take false statements for $400

[FooFa]

Chess- Going all the way to the back makes you a queen. You can go whereever the fuck you want when you're on a horse.

 

That made me think about a man being beat by the computer. Which caused me to think about the conundrum of 'if a man can build it' how could it beat him. But then I realized that a single, man wouldn't have the resources implicit in the computer program;what went into making it is a superior intelligence to him, is what I'm saying.

[SomaCowJ]

I have often been likened unto Cavity Sam in the "Operation Game".